Truth Will Out
by TheAmbitiousWriter
Summary: Merlin is cursed so that he can only tell the truth. As the man with the most secrets faces the end to all his lies, can he show Arthur that perhaps the truth is not something to be feared? Merthur if read through an electron microscope.
1. I: Cursed

DISCLAIMER: Do I own Merlin? Hmm… Let me think… no.

"Merlin! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Arthur's cry reverberated through the ancient ruin. The king's sword flashed in a shining arc of steel as he fought, every move executed flawlessly, thought out to the tiniest detail and yet performed in under a second. Watching him was not unlike observing a dancer, gracefully in sync with every beat of the music.

The raven-haired sorcerer stood stock-still, bright blue eyes trained on the sorceress they were fighting (and the ogres she had conjured up). He did not stir, even when a battle-axe passed so close to the side of his face that it shortened the ends of his hair a few inches. It looked as though he were listening to something… because he was.

 _How dare you betray your kind, Emrys!_

 _I've betrayed no one! It is you who have betrayed yourself, using magic for everything that is wrong, stirring up the belief that it is evil!_

 _No, Emrys. You have chosen to follow a Pendragon… and have therefore sealed your own fate. I wonder how he would react to the knowledge that you are everything he despises…_

 _What do you mean?_

 _The truth will out, Emrys. You shall learn this very soon…_

The sorceress raised her hand and pointed at Merlin. Arthur yelled something; it was hard to hear over the sounds of the battle. But the sorceress's words carried clearly over to where the warlock stood.

" _Sóþfæstnes asprít!_ "

The spell hit him square in the chest and felt the vague sensation of flying backwards before darkness slammed over him, and he knew no more.

oOo

"No! _Merlin!_ " Arthur could only watch helplessly as his servant― no, his _friend_ ― was flung back by the power of the enchantress. Could only stand there as he slumped to the ground, unconscious.

A harsh laugh brought him back to reality. He turned to the sorceress, cold fire in his eyes. She was going to be sorry.

"Worry not, Pendragon. He will be fine, though I think after you learn the truth, you may wish otherwise."

"What do you mean?"

"I cannot tell you; for only Emrys himself may divulge his secret."

"What? Who is Emrys? What are you talking about?"

"Goodbye, Arthur Pendragon." As she spoke, the enchantress disappeared in an unearthly gust of wind, leaving in her wake a very confused king and a very unconscious manservant.

Arthur sighed. This was going to be one of those days. It was as though sorcerers had some kind of rule that stated they all had to be so enigmatic, _they_ probably had no idea what they were saying. He snorted at the thought. At least Merlin was usually straightforward, though he was probably too stupid to be anything but.

Speaking of which… oh, gods. Merlin. Oops.

Arthur all but ran over to the servant, for once praying that the sorceress had been telling the truth. He had to be alright, he had to be… _thank the gods_. He was breathing. The king unceremoniously hoisted the younger man and draped him over his shoulder, then set out to find the horses.

 _Stupid sorceress._

oOo

Merlin woke in his bed, with the frowning face of Gaius leaning over him. He sat up slowly, trying to recall what had happened that could have made his mentor so worried.

Oh.

Ah.

Right.

"Merlin, are you alright?" Gaius asked gently. Merlin frowned. His head hurt, his shoulder was sore from where it had struck the wall, and his thoughts were racing from all that the sorceress had said. He opened his mouth to say his usual, _I'm fine, Gaius, no need to worry._

"N-no. I'm not." Merlin reeled in shock when he heard the words come out of his mouth. That was not what he had meant to say. He tried again.

"What I mean is… I-I'm not alright, Gaius… but… I don't know why I'm saying that!" the warlock burst out. "What's going on?"

"I've no idea," Gaius said. It was clear he did not understand the situation at all. "Why aren't you alright?"

"My shoulder hurts… and my head… but that's not the problem!"

"What is, then?"

"I― I don't know!" Gaius frowned suddenly.

"Merlin, tell a lie."

"Like what?"

"Say you don't have magic."

"But― I do have magic!"

"Say you don't!"

" _I can't!_ " The reality of the situation sunk in. Merlin sat forward and put his head in his hands. "I-I can't tell a lie, Gaius. What do I do?" His mentor placed a reassuring hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"That, I do not know, my boy." Gaius sighed. "The sorceress must have cursed you to only tell the truth."

"I've got to keep away from Arthur," Merlin realised. "If he finds out about my magic―" He was interrupted by a loud, very prattish banging on the door, followed by the voice of Arthur Pratdragon himself.

"Gaius? Is Merlin awake yet?" The king did not wait for a response; instead he simply threw open the door, his gaze alighting on Merlin. "Merlin, there you are. Feeling better?"

"I― uh― no," Merlin stuttered. Arthur's face took on an expression of surprise.

"What? You're not trying to get out of work, are you?"

"No."

"C'mon, Merlin, I was just joking." Now that Arthur thought about it, something about Merlin did seem.. _off_. The man never admitted to any sort of malady afflicting him, no matter how bad it was. And he'd shrugged off Arthur's attempt at the usual banter. Besides, the servant was looking paler than usual, and was visibly trembling. He even looked as though he might have been… crying?

"I think it best, Sire, if you let Merlin be right now," Gaius said, ushering the king to the door. "He's still recovering." Arthur nodded and, casting a last glance back at the lean figure of his manservant, left. Gaius turned back to Merlin and smiled.

"Now, Merlin, I'd like you tell me what actually happened whilst I was possessed by that goblin."

Merlin groaned.

*Spell translation: "Truth shall sprout out,"


	2. II: Revealed

"Oh, Merlin! I didn't see you there," said Gwen's voice from behind him. Merlin groaned inwardly. He went outside for ten minutes, to fetch water, and leave it to him to go and meet someone whom he should definitely stay away from right now.

"Hi, Gwen. I was just fetching some water."

"I heard you and Arthur were attacked? I saw him bring you into the citadel; you were in a bad way. You're alright now, though, aren't you?"

Merlin opened his mouth to speak. _Oh, yes, I'm perfectly fine. Nothing of real consequence occurred._

"I-I was cursed." Gwen stood staring, uncomprehending the words that had just come out of his mouth.`

"You were _what?_ "

"The sorceress cursed me… to only tell the truth," Merlin said unwillingly. He didn't expect her to start laughing.

"Really? She cursed you to be _truthful?_ That's ridiculous, it isn't like you've got anything to hide anyway, right Merlin?"

 _No, of course not. I'm an open book._

"I-I'm a― I have―" He clamped his mouth shut. Better to say nothing than _that._ "I should get back to Gaius," he said instead, picked up the bucket, and bolted.

oOo

"Stop asking me that! I don't think you really want to know!" Merlin yelled.

"Just tell me!"

"You won't like the answer!"

"Please, just say it! I must know!"

" _Fine!_ You made Uther, Morgana and Gwen fart and gave Leon boils and Arthur donkey ears!"

"I knew about the donkey ears, but no one told me about the farting!"

"Well, would _you?_ "

"No," Gaius agreed. "I would not. But I would like to know, why did it take you the better part of hour just to fetch water?"

 _I was delayed, that's all. No reason._

"I ran into Guinevere."

"Merlin! What happened?"

"Um… she knows."

"Yes, I do," said Gwen's unexpected voice from behind them. "And I would rather that the aforementioned _incident_ never be spoken of again."

oOo

Arthur wasn't expecting to see Merlin in the courtyard. He wasn't expecting him to be deep in what appeared to be a very serious conversation with Guinevere. And he certainly wasn't expecting the servant to turn pale at the sight of his king and try to hide behind Gwen.

"Merlin, what… no, I'm not even going to ask," Arthur said. "If you're feeling up to it, my armour needs polishing, my chambers need cleaning, and no one's mucked out the stables for a few days."

"Merlin isn't feeling very well," Gwen said. "I think he needs some rest."

"Why can't he tell me himself?"

"Um… he's… too sick to speak?" Gwen let the rather obvious lie hang in the air for a moment before grabbing Merlin's arm and dashing off. Arthur sighed― when would the lies end? He wished the pair of them could just tell him the truth once in a while.

Having no immediate duties to tend to, the king let his feet take him where they would, and soon he found himself, to his surprise, at the door to Gaius's chambers. Hearing voices, Arthur paused, and unwittingly began to eavesdrop.

"Maybe it's time he knew," said Merlin's voice. _Knew what?_

"Don't be stupid." Gaius replied.

"If he doesn't accept me for who I am now, then he never will." _Who he is? Do I not know him already?_

"Please, Merlin, think about what you're doing. What would I do if I lost you?" _Lost him? To what?_

"Kilgharrah told me a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole. I suppose… I must trust Arthur to make the right decision." _Who is Kilgharrah? What decision must I make?_

"My boy, I don't want this happen over some petty truth spell. You must choose the right time to tell him." _Truth spell? What truth spell?_

"I choose now! Gaius, if I keep delaying it, then I shall never tell him. Perhaps… perhaps the truth is not something to be feared. I just want an end to the lies, the deceit. It's not me. I want to be who I am, for Arthur to accept me, for Albion to be united through honesty and integrity, not trickery and falsehoods." _Well spoken._

"It doesn't matter anyway," Merlin continued, "seeing as he's at the door right now. He's heard everything we've just said."

Arthur said a word that would have made Gwaine proud.


	3. III: Captured

"I don't know how to tell you this, Arthur."

"Try."

"I have―"

" _AHHHHHHH!_ "

"That was unexpected…" Arthur darted out of the room in search of the scream. Merlin sighed and began to follow.

"Merlin…" Gaius stopped him. "Please, don't do anything you'll regret. Truth can be a cruel thing, cold and uncaring. Your lies are what keeps Arthur safe…" Merlin shrugged off the physician.

"I know."

He ran after the retreating form of his king. Out in the courtyard, he stopped short in shock. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't a giant bird.

"It's a roc!" someone yelled. Possibly Leon. Merlin tried to remember something from Gaius's books about the creature, but came up short. Maybe he could just enchant one of the knight's weapons…

That's when he saw the person riding it.

" _Morgana?!_ " The witch sat astride the beast, laughing and directing it towards Arthur. Merlin only had a few seconds, he knew.

" _Bregdan anweald githeluec,_ " he whispered, and Arthur's sword blazed with blue fire just before he thrust it at the roc.

He missed.

Wounded but not dead, the creature shrieked, red feathers flying everywhere. With one last swoop, it dove towards the now defenseless Arthur, who looked in vain at the sword laying on the ground some feet away.

"No! Merlin, don't!" yelled Arthur as the servant threw himself in front of the king. Merlin felt the roc's talons grasp him, and then he was jerked into the air, dangling from the bird's claws.

"Merlin," hissed Morgana from her perch on the roc's back. "At least I may in part begin to exact my revenge."

oOo

Arthur watched disbelievingly as his servant jumped in front of him, sparing no thought for his own life, and was snatched up by his broken half-sister. He thought he might have yelled something, but all of his concentration was on the scene before him. _Please, not Merlin._

He found himself on his knees, and his eyes were suspiciously wet― not with tears. No, a light rain had begun to fall, that was why. The king of Camelot would never cry over a servant. Never.

 _No man's worth your tears._

 _Not even Merlin._

 _Am I worth his?_

 _He won't even tell me the truth…_

 _Or I him._

"Sire? Are you alright?" Leon's voice. Arthur blinked back what was definitely _not_ tears and faced the knight. _Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about, Sir Leon. As you were._

"No." Arthur frowned. That wasn't what he'd meant to say. "I mean, I'm fine. Sorry, I should go." The king left hastily, leaving Sir Leon blinking confusedly behind him.

"Where's Merlin, my lord?" Gaius looked at him worriedly. Arthur turned, wiping not-tears from his eyes, and stared blankly at the physician.

"I'm sorry, Gaius." That was all he needed to say. The old man paled, and leaned heavily against the wall. Arthur felt for the man, perhaps more deeply than he'd previously known.

"No… my boy," whispered Gaius. "It can't be."

"He may still be alive," Arthur said half-heartedly. It wasn't much. Morgana's heart was as cold as stone, and she would not hesitate to kill the servant. But the tiny fragment of hope, glimmering like a star in the darkness, was just enough. Just enough for Arthur to close his eyes and think with all his might, _I'm coming for you, Merlin. I promise._

Perhaps Merlin could hear him. Perhaps the message would be carried on the wind and starlight, and come to the servant facing nightmares for his king, and give him the strength to hold on. Perhaps Merlin could hear him even now, by some ancient power, by some… magic?

Maybe so.

oOo

 _I'm coming for you, Merlin. I promise._ Arthur's voice echoed in his mind. Merlin woke with the king's promise still ringing in his ears, and he knew that Arthur would keep his word. All he had to do was survive until then.

The young warlock tried to sit up, but found his hands bound behind him, secured to a metal ring fastened in the ground. Looking around, he inferred that he must be in a ancient ruin of some sort (Albion held enough of those).

"Awake, I see," drawled a familiar voice that sent shivers down Merlin's spine. "Let the fun begin."

"What do you want with me, Morgana?"

"Information. And it appears someone's been kind enough to go and put a truth spell on you; less work for me. To be honest, such magic would have been difficult even for me." Morgana smirked. "Good job I'm so lucky, then, isn't it?"

"I will never betray Arthur!"

"Not willingly, no. But you don't have to be _willing_ , do you?" Merlin paled, and Morgana chuckled harshly. She leaned over and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him forward slightly.

"Who. Is. Emrys?"

 _Oh, no. No no no. Couldn't you have been a bit less straightforward?_

"Emrys. That's a name from the Druid legends, isn't it?" he said, carefully avoiding the question.

"Don't patronise me, Merlin. I know you know. Just tell me."

"Emrys is a sorcerer! Arthur would never enlist the help of sorcerers!" _Not knowingly, at least._ Merlin was finding ways to dodge the truth, not lying but not telling all of the truth either. He grinned inwardly. He could do this.

Then Morgana produced a small dagger from inside her cloak.

"I'm telling the truth, I swear!" _Most of it, at least._

"Yes, yes, you haven't much choice in that. But you're a bit more clever than I gave you credit for." Without warning, she grabbed his arm and slashed the blade across his hand. Merlin gasped as white-hot threads of pain shot up his arm. The witch carefully drew a cloth across the cut and turned away, pleased with herself.

"I may not be quite experienced enough to _cast_ a truth spell," said she, "But I certainly know how to _strengthen_ one." Morgana dropped the cloth into a silver bowl filled with dark liquid.

" _Sé dréor fram sé ambihtere eerie sóþfæstnes fram gebrægd!_ " Flames sprung from the silver bowl. When they faded, the liquid had turned a bright gold. Morgana grasped the bowl and slowly carried it over to the young sorcerer, being careful not to spill a drop.

Merlin tried to back (or scootch, rather) away, but hit the stone wall behind him. The witch stopped in front of him and set the bowl down.

 _She's gonna force-feed me gross magic truth juice, isn't she._

He was proved right when Morgana grabbed his chin and poured the liquid down his throat. Spluttering, he sat forward and stared at the ground. He'd been right; the stuff tasted like one of Gaius's potions. Which is to say, not pleasant.

"Now, I'll ask you again: _Who is Emrys?_ "

"I-I am."

*Spell translations: "Move the powerful weapon."

"The blood from the servant shall separate the truth from deceit!


	4. IV: Rescued

**A/N Please let me know if I need to up the rating, there is a bit of Merlin!hurt here. And yes, I am extremely paranoid.**

 _Arthur dreamt of a black dog. It had long, dark fur and golden eyes. Everywhere he went, it followed him._

" _Go away."_

 _The dog stared at him defiantly. Arthur tried to shoo it away, but it leapt nimbly around him and did not leave. The king looked into the dog's deep gold eyes; in them he saw unwavering loyalty and bravery, intelligence and selflessness._

" _I will never leave you, Arthur," said the dog. "You will never be alone." The dog stood at his side, protecting him, and Arthur let it._

" _I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth," the dog said._

" _Don't you trust me?" Arthur asked, hurt._

" _Lying to you was the best way to protect you. I wish I could have told you the truth, but it was best that way."_

 _Arthur smiled; he forgave the dog. There was something familiar about it, something he trusted, but he couldn't put his finger on it; there was something he was missing. What was it?_

 _The dog looked at him sadly, as though it knew a secret that was heavier than a thousand burdens, but could never be shared._

" _Thank you, Arthur."_

Arthur opened his eyes. The room was dark; it was still night. Getting up, the king pulled on his clothes (he wasn't completely incompetent) and his sword belt (always prepared). He made his way through the silent citadel to the royal kennels, where he kept his hunting dogs.

Thankfully, he wasn't greeted by the usually barking frenzy, as that would have woken the whole castle. Most of the dogs were asleep; only a few cocked an ear and whined halfheartedly. Arthur made his way along the line of canines. Brown, brown, black with brown eyes, brown… none matched the dog from his dream. The king sighed and sat down next to his favourite hound, a brown-and-black purebred called Storm, to ponder what his dream could have meant. Off topic, he wondered how the search parties he had sent out to look for Merlin were doing. Tomorrow he would lead one, he would… he would…

Before he knew it, Arthur was asleep.

oOo

" _NO!_ It's not possible!" Morgana screamed, her magic reacting to her rage and sending pulses of power across the ruin, demolishing it.

"I am Emrys!" Merlin yelled over the noise. "I always have been! It is my destiny to protect Arthur, to help him unite the land of Albion!" The words were flowing from his mouth now; he could not stop them. "I am the greatest warlock to ever walk the earth, and do you know why, Morgana? _Because I am Emrys!_ "

"You can't be! It's not true, it isn't true!" The witch sobbed like a child. "It's not true!"

"I can only speak the truth, and you know it, Morgana."

"But… but this is good," she gasped. "This is wonderful!" She started laughing hysterically. "The mighty Emrys, my prisoner! Oh, Merlin, how Arthur will mourn the loss of his pet sorcerer! But… he doesn't know, does he? He can't! How you have managed to deceive him, Emrys!"

"Morgana―"

Something struck his head and he was engulfed in blackness.

oOo

"Sire? What… what are you doing?" A confused voice woke him. Arthur sat up stiffly and rubbed the back of his neck. He'd fallen asleep in the royal kennels… whoops.

"Um…" he said, looking up at the inquiring servant. "It does not concern you. Attend to your duties. And not a word of this to anyone," he groaned, thinking of the rumours that could spread from this incident.

"Y-yes, sire," the servant stuttered, and bolted. Arthur stood and brushed down his clothing, remembering his dream. He had no dogs like that; why had it entered the realm of his sleep? _Nevermind_ , he thought to himself, _It doesn't matter._ Looking outside, he gave a start when he noticed how high the sun was. If he was going to lead a search party for Merlin, he'd better go now.

A few minutes later, he was astride his horse, leading his knights through the forest of Ascetir. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everything was horrible. For what world was it without Merlin? His goofy smile, his way of seeing the good in everyone, and overall, his incredible loyalty; he was like a dog that way―

A scream shattered the quiet forest air. A terrifyingly familiar scream. Arthur spurred his horse onward and yelled for his knight to follow him, and then he was off; riding through the woods at a speed unmatched by any of his knights. Soon his far ahead of them all, and ahead he could see a ruin of some sort. He heard voices echoing as well, and he knew who they belonged to.

"A quick death is far too good for you, Emrys. I want you to die knowing that Arthur is as good as dead without you at his side, and I shall rule Camelot. I want you to die in the knowledge that there was nothing you could do to stop me."

"M-Morgana…"

"Silence! How the mighty have fallen, Emrys. If only Arthur could see you now…"

With that, Arthur's horse leapt over a crumbling wall and landed centimetres in front of Morgana. She screamed and was gone before Arthur could do more than dismount and draw his sword. He sheathed his weapon again and turned to Merlin.

He was in a bad way. There were no visible injuries that Arthur could see, but who knew what the witch had done on the inside. The servant was lying nearly unconscious on the ground, his hands bound to a metal ring in the floor, though there was hardly need of that now. The man could barely speak.

Arthur lifted Merlin in his arms and began the short walk to where he had left his horse. As he lifted the lithe form of his servant, Arthur heard two words whispered in his ear, so softly that he could barely hear them:

" _I'm sorry._ "

By the time the other knights arrived, Merlin was unconscious once more.

oOo

"What happened?" Gwaine asked, in a serious voice that was rarely heard from the usually jovial knight.

"Morgana," Arthur replied. "I don't know what she did; there isn't a mark on him, save for a superficial cut on his hand."

Gwaine insisted that he ride with Merlin himself, all the way home, but Elyan convinced him that it would be better for them to take it in turns. Gwaine took him first, then Elyan, then Percival, then Leon, then Arthur himself. As they rode through the great gates of Camelot, Arthur tried to reassure himself that Gaius would find a way to heal Merlin. He always had before.

"Sire― what's happened?" said the physician's voice. Arthur dismounted and carried the servant over to his mentor. Merlin seemed heavier than before, and Arthur tried desperately not to think about how dead people weighed more than people who were alive.

"Morgana," he said, and Gaius nodded his understanding. They both knew what that meant. As they rushed to the physician's chambers, Arthur remembered something.

"Gaius," he said, "Morgana mentioned someone called Emrys. I don't remember exactly; but she seemed to have the idea that whoever they were, they were helping me. I don't know anyone by that name." The king noticed that Gaius had stiffened at the mention of the name Emrys. "Gaius, do you know them?"

"My lord―"

"Answer me, Gaius."

"I must see to Merlin, sire, else there may be nothing I can do for him." The physician turned back to his unconscious ward. "Oh, Merlin," he sighed, "what have you gotten yourself into this time?"

Arthur scowled. Gaius had evaded his question, he obviously knew who Emrys was but hadn't told him. Arthur sat up suddenly.

Or had he?


	5. V: Woken

"How's Merlin?" Arthur's voice. It sounded strange and echoing to the young warlock, like the king was far off and his voice was carrying across a great distance.

"His breathing and heart rate have increased somewhat; I believe he may wake up soon."

"But he hasn't yet?"

"No, my lord."

"Thank you, Gaius." There was silence. Merlin attempted to wrench his eyes open, but it felt like they were glued shut. None of his limbs were working. He tried to remember what Morgana had done to him, but the memories fluttered just out of his reach. Arthur's voice came again:

"Is it alright if I stay?"

"Yes, sire. If you'll excuse me, I must fetch some more horsetail." Merlin heard the door open and close, and then the sound of Arthur pulling up a chair.

"You idiot," the king whispered softly. "What did you have to go and save me for? You're always doing that, and sometimes I wonder why. It's not like I'm worth anything anyway," he snorted. Merlin wanted to argue, but could only lie still and listen.

"I once told you that no man was worth your tears. You replied that I certainly wasn't. Now I wonder if that's true." Arthur sighed. "If I am worth your tears, why won't you tell me the truth?" Merlin's heart skipped a beat. The king continued quietly,

"I'm not so sure that statement is true, anymore. Once I would not have cried over anyone. And then you fought me with a mace," he laughed, "and might well have beaten me too, if I hadn't had a broom stick handy.

"But when the roc got you, I felt… I don't know, exactly. Like it was a part of me that had been snatched away. Maybe I'm just being a total girl's petticoat, but... I care about you, Merlin. I― please don't― please don't die…"

There was a sound that Merlin failed to recognise, a sorrowful intake of breath― a sob? From Arthur? As the scraping of a chair informed him that Arthur planned to leave, Merlin tried desperately to make a sound, to get him to stay, to let him know that he was awake…

" _Okay._ "

oOo

Arthur bit back a sob and rose, heading for the door. He kept repeating the last sentence over and over in his head. _Please don't die. Please don't die._

"Okay _._ " It was barely a whisper, little more than a breath, but Arthur heard it. He stopped in his tracks.

"M-Merlin?" There was no answer. Arthur turned around, and to his delight, Merlin's eyes were open, and he was staring intently at the king.

"Merlin! You're awake!" Arthur laughed, delirious with joy. Then a realisation struck him. "Did you… ah, hear what I said?"

Merlin didn't answer.

"Merlin? Are you okay?" If Merlin was awake, why wasn't he speaking? Or moving, for that matter? "Merlin?"

At that moment, Gaius returned with a pouch full of herbs. When he saw that Merlin's eyes were open, he dropped the bag and grinned.

"Merlin, you're awake!"

"Gaius, he can't speak." The physician frowned.

"That's odd. What _has_ he done?"

"Just opened his eyes… and…"

"And what?"

"I thought I heard something, before. I asked him… not to die. I thought he said 'okay'."

"So he's conscious, but unable to move or speak, mostly. It should wear off soon, but I suggest you keep him company for now, Sire." Arthur wanted to. He really did. But if Merlin had heard what he'd said…

 _Sorry, Gaius, but I have training with the knights._

"Sure." Arthur scowled. What was wrong with him?! It was getting harder and harder to... to lie…

Oh, no.

oOo

 _I'm so sorry, Merlin._

 _Hot and bittersweet, the tears rolled down his cheeks. And each of them were priceless._

 _Arthur remembered one day, perhaps five or six years ago now, when he'd been to fetch a very late Merlin and accidentally caught him undressing. Luckily he'd had his trousers on. But Arthur had seen a scar, fresh and angry-looking, marring the front of his chest, in a perfect circle._

 _Merlin had put his shirt on too quickly too take in anything else. Arthur pretended he had seen nothing. But later, he had asked Gaius what had happened. The old physician was reluctant, but at last Arthur got the tale out of him._

 _Merlin had battled a sorceress. For him._

 _Merlin had taken a mace blow. For him._

 _Merlin had thrown himself in front of a roc. For him._

 _What had Arthur ever done to deserve such loyalty?_

 _Arthur remembered a time, a few months past, when he had found a piece of parchment in the servant's chambers when he'd arrogantly demanded to see him, not knowing that Merlin had gone to Ealdor to visit his mother. It read:_

 _The moon, it doth shine down_

 _Rivaling it, the sun_

 _Clothed in its golden gown_

 _Its light the only one_

 _But the moon can never show_

 _The side hidden in shade_

 _For if the sun should know_

 _He would draw his mighty blade_

 _The sun will always be the brighter_

 _Of the mighty two_

 _But the dark side might be lighter_

 _If the moon were to be true._

 _Arthur was astounded that Merlin could write like this. In fact,_ Arthur _couldn't even write like this. He wondered what it meant. Who was the moon in the poem, and who the sun? Perhaps the sun was Arthur, for who shone brighter than the king of Camelot? But then who was the moon? Someone who had a terrible secret that they could never reveal, lest Arthur kill them for it? Not Merlin, surely?_

 _But who else could it be?_

 _Merlin had lied. To him._

 _Merlin had kept secrets. From him._

 _Merlin had…_

 _Arthur started. Lies. Truth. Betrayal. Loyalty. Deceit. Honesty. Selfishness. Selflessness…_

 _Merlin._

 _What was he to believe?_

 _Traitor? Friend? Servant? Spy? Sorcerer?_

 _Merlin was… Merlin. And that was all he ever had been._


	6. VI: Enlightened

"Arthuuuuuur!" Merlin called from the adjacent room. The king grumbled to himself and grabbed the plate of food he had been clumsily preparing. Ever since Merlin had begun to recover, because Arthur had foolishly offered his services, Gaius had dubbed Arthur Merlin's personal servant for as long as the man was still bedridden.

Oh, the irony.

"Feed me," Merlin said, and smirked. Arthur groaned, simultaneously shoving a giant piece of bread into Merlin's mouth. The man made muffled noises of protest and tried to spit it back out at Arthur, to no avail.

"This is ridiculous," the king complained. "You're _my_ servant, and here I am, serving you! Why, oh why did I ever tell Gaius that I would help in _any way I could?_ " Merlin finally managed to get the piece of bread down and replied,

"Because you know if I die, you have to train another servant. And no one's going to be as good as me," he finished teasingly.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Merlin," the king said, shoving more food into Merlin's mouth.

Arthur looked at the servant, as always, like he had never seen him before. There was always something… off. Something he didn't know. A part of Merlin that wasn't there for him, a side hidden in shadow. And yet, even as he felt that he did not know the man, from the moment he had first clapped eyes upon Merlin he'd been under the crazy impression that he'd known him for years, and always had known him, in fact. Perhaps he always would.

A peasant and a king. How unexpected, most people said. How inevitable, Arthur thought. An unlikely friendship that was always meant to happen. Sun and moon. Dog and master.

Arthur started. How had he not noticed before? The dog from his dream…

Was Merlin.

"Awfur?"

"Gross, Merlin, don't speak with your mouth full!"

"Fowwy."

 _Gods, Merlin, that is disgusting._

"Um. I had a dream about a dog, a few nights ago." Arthur realised what he was saying and stopped short. "I― um, I didn't mean to say that," he said awkwardly. "I just, uh…"

 _What is happening to me?_

"It had black fur," he recalled, "and golden eyes." He decided to roll with it.

"I don't see what that has to do with me."

 _Me neither. I don't know why I said it._

"I think it was you."

"Um." Merlin's tone portrayed his confusion. Arthur rolled his eyes at the manservant, pretending he had meant to say every word.

"Shut up, Merlin."

"Arthur―"

"What?"

"I... I want to tell you the truth. The whole truth this time, not just bits of it. Before, I thought I had to lie to keep you safe. But now I can see I can't hide it any longer. I hope you'll forgive me, Arthur."

"Is this what you tried to tell me before?"

"Yes." Arthur pondered his next words carefully. If Merlin told him the truth, there would be no more secrets. Everything would be out in the open, for all to see.

"Merlin… I― I don't think I want to know."

"You don't?!"

"No. I think… I think I wouldn't like it. It must be better this way, or you wouldn't have kept it from me in the first place."

"But Arthur, I have to tell the truth. If I don't do it now, I might never tell you!"

"Maybe that's okay."

"But, I, I have―"

"A truth spell on you? Gaius told me," he said to the surprised-looking servant. "If you want to tell me the truth, I'm sure you can do it without a truth spell." He turned away, but not fast enough to miss the look of complete anguish on Merlin's face.

oOo

 _Merlin had thought everyone wanted to be told the truth. Apparently, he'd been wrong. He had been lying all his life, not only to those around him, but to himself as well. Telling himself he was monster, something to be feared. After all, magic had to be outlawed for a reason, right?_

 _The first time he had seen himself perform magic in front of a mirror, seen his eyes glow an unearthly gold, he hadn't recognised himself. He had run crying to his mother, scared to death._

 _His magic was a part of himself. That he had always known. It felt comfortable, right. But after years of being told that it was wrong, a curse even, that was what it had become. He began to fear himself. At one point, he'd stopped using his magic entirely. His mother got worried when he became extremely sick, and she could not find the cause. When he finally told her, she was horrified._

" _Your magic is a gift, Merlin," she'd said. "It's something you are. You need it as much as it needs you. If you stopping using it, it stops using you." Her words were so impactful on the eight-year-old boy that he'd practiced his magic daily from then on, and had recovered completely._

 _But he could never quite shake the fear._

 _Then he had met Arthur. The arrogant prince was Merlin's complete opposite: Proud, strong, courageous, and confident in his every action. At first, Merlin had thought it was because he was the prince, and he simply could not be wrong. But later, he had seen that it was not that. Being Crown Prince of Camelot was not easy. But Arthur always knew exactly what to do and when to do it; he was a natural-born leader._

 _Where Merlin liked to stick to the shadows and let someone else take the credit, Arthur liked to stand tall and proud, sure of his actions and worthy of the praise. And though the two were entirely different, they had felt a deeply forged connection from the first._

 _Two sides of the same coin, Kilgharrah had said. At first, Merlin had had no idea what the dragon was talking about._

 _But now he knew. Better than ever._


	7. VII: Broken

**A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews, especially those of you that were complimenting the poem! Honestly, I did not expect that, because it was two in the morning when I wrote that and I barely knew what I was writing. :) Also, I have no idea how to work the Private Messaging thingie, so I hope you don't mind if I don't respond to your reviews. Anyway, enjoy more emotional rollercoasters for Merlin (whom I do not own).**

Merlin woke when he heard the screaming. He tried to sit up, but fell back again when pain shot through his body. A burst of light from outside his window illuminated the room briefly, and he wished he could see what was going on.

"Arthur?" he called. No answer. "Gaius?" There was no sound save the screams, and what sounded like explosions. Merlin couldn't just sit there…

Gaius had told him never to try to use healing magic on himself, as it rarely worked even on others. But there was little choice. Merlin muttered a quick healing spell and to his relief, felt the pain recede. He sat up slowly, testing, and when the next scream shattered the air, he leapt to his feet and dashed off to find the source of the noise.

When he emerged in the courtyard, he was confused to find it full of people in different positions, all with an expression of pure horror on their faces.

"Oh, no…" Merlin ran to the citadel. He threw open the doors to the throne room and saw… the back of Morgana's head. She was standing with her back to the door, hand raised to point something at a very angry-looking Arthur… a stick?

She turned when she heard the doors slam open.

"Ah, Merlin. So glad you could join us." With a flash of her eyes, she sent the warlock flying to land at Arthur's feet. The king helped his servant to his feet without a word, staring daggers at Morgana.

"Why does she have a stick?" Merlin whispered.

"This, Merlin," Morgana said, overhearing, "is the Blackthorn Wand. It is actually the spine of a basilisk, and can turn any living thing into stone."

"But the people of Camelot have done nothing to you!"

"The people of Camelot blindly follow my brother in his war against magic… you would know, wouldn't you, _Emrys?_ " She spat the word out like it was poison. "After all, you follow my brother around like a lost puppy, and all the while, he doesn't even know the _truth!_ "

"Merlin?" Arthur shot him a questioning glance. "What's she talking about?"

"I―I didn't want to tell you, Arthur, because… I was scared."

"Tell me what?" Morgana smirked, and Merlin raised his chin in defiance. He didn't care what Arthur did to him anymore. The king deserved to know the truth, even if it would hurt him more than anything.

"Tell you that I am a sorcerer. I have magic." The words echoed in the stone hall, the words that were so simple and yet had the power to change everything. The words he had feared for so long. The words that defined him.

For those words were the truth.

Arthur stared at him disbelievingly. His gaze flicked back and forth between Merlin and Morgana as if the two were just trying to confuse him.

"No, you're not," he said slowly. "I would know." Morgana laughed cruelly.

"All these years, Arthur, and you couldn't see it! Your own sister, your own servant! How disgusted you must be… with yourself." She raised the wand.

"Why did you never tell me?" Arthur asked softly, his voice laced with pain.

"Because I never wanted this. Please, don't… don't hate me…" At Merlin's words, a light dawned in Arthur's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but never got the chance.

" _Stífian!_ " A bolt of light shot out of the end of the wand― straight toward Merlin. Before the servant could say a word, Arthur leapt in front of him and took the blow full in the chest.

"Arthur! _No!_ " The king fell to his knees, gasping. Morgana raised the wand again, but Merlin sent it flying with his magic. It clattered against the floor some distance away. Ignoring the witch for now, Merlin knelt beside his king and provided support so that he did not fall to the floor. The place where the spell had hit him was already stone, and was quickly spreading.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered. "I―I want you to know― I don't― I don't hate you,"

"But― I am everything that you despise. I am what you've been working all these years to destroy."

"I could never hate you." The spell had overtaken nearly half of his body by now. "M-Merlin, I… please, look after Guinevere…"

"You are _not_ going to die, Arthur!"

"Please, just let me say… _Thank you._ " A single tear fell from Merlin's face as the spell completed its work. Looking more regal than ever cut in stone, Arthur's last goodbye had frozen on his lips. Morgana was victorious.

He turned to face her, but she was gone. Picking up the wand from where it lay, he concentrated on the magic it held. Scared by the amount of pure dark magic he sensed, he decided to use it as a last resort.

" _Eftcyme,_ " he said, placing his hand on Arthur's statue. Nothing. " _Bídan,_ " he tried again, to no avail. Merlin bit back a sob. _Please, don't let him be dead._ He needed help. Maybe Gaius knew what to do? Taking the stairs two at a time, he ran out of the citadel, through the courtyard into the lower town. It was as still as death. There was no sound, no movement… and in front of the merchant stands was…

"Gaius! No!" Merlin broke down and wept, throwing his arms around the statue that had been his mentor.

There was no one left now.

 **A/N: Eek! What is happening? You'd think it would warn you about character deaths in the summary... unless they aren't really dead. :) So all you worriers out there, be reassured.**


	8. VIII: Consoled

**I know I am not good at writing long chapters, so sorry that this one is especially short; but to be honest, I really love dangling the story in front of you and then jerking it away! MWA HA HA HA! ...Anyway, the cliffhanger last time was a necessary evil. Because again, I am a plot monster. :) Aaronna, I am not trying to kill you with my cliffhangers, just torment you with the knowledge that I know what will happen and you do not! Which makes it kind of boring for me. Meh. Ummm, well, back to sanity (ish)! Here, have some confusing and really emotional scenes!**

"Merlin." He didn't know how she'd gotten there. To be honest, he didn't really care. He collapsed, sobbing, in his mother's arms.

"I've lost so much," he said. "I can't bear to lose them as well."

"They are not lost."

"What do you mean?" She sighed, wiping away his tears.

"There are far worse things to come, Merlin, and I wish I could protect you from them. But there is only so much I can do."

Hunith held her son close, so that he could not see the tears that were falling from her eyes as well. Merlin didn't know it, but in his despair his magic had called out for someone, for anyone, and she had answered. She just hadn't expected this.

She looked down at the amulet in her hand, a last gift from Balinor. Its magic only worked once, but she was glad she had used it now. Her son needed her.

"I've tried so hard to be there for them," Merlin whispered, "but I can't save them when it matters the most."

"Merlin," Hunith said softly, "I know you have suffered much. And I wish I could have prevented it. But you have never let your friends down, not once."

"I have. I wasn't strong enough to stop her. All this power, and I can't even use it to help my friends."

"You have always tried to hide your weakness, Merlin," Hunith said. "You tried to be strong for others. But strength is not hiding your tears." She withdrew from the embrace, and Merlin saw the tears on her cheeks. "It is having the courage to shed them freely. Your father had always told me this―" Merlin gasped "―and I had always believed it. I know you can save your friends, Merlin."

"I can?"

"Yes. Just don't be afraid to show people the _truth_ of how you feel, because hiding your weakness, Merlin, has always been your weakness."

"Thank you, mother."

"I have to leave now, Merlin, but don't forget what I said. Arthur needs you."

Then the magic ran out, and she was back in Ealdor, clutching the amulet. Tears still streamed from her eyes as she watched it turn to dust in her hands. But now was not the time to dwell on her lost Dragonlord.

She only hoped she had made a difference.


	9. Sorry, guys

Um. So. Hi there. I'm back. And I've been gone... for a year. I know, I know. I have no excuse. *blurts out all the excuses I can think of* And I am so, so sorry, avid Merlin fans, but I... *sob* ...cannot continue this story. I KNOW! AND AT A GIANT CLIFFHANGER TOO! But if anyone wants to continue this story for me, feel free. I would like to see it finished. I might be posting a Fairy Tail fanfic I wrote a while back, if you're into that. And again, I'm so sorry!

\- The(Apologising)Writer


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